Someone once gave me this joke type writing where a businessman was bragging to a teacher friend. The businessman was asking the teacher about his salary, for one thing, hoping to be able to look superior by revealing his own 6 figure income.
The teacher, at the end of the story, simply said,” You make expensive things, but they are just things, you make a lot of money for yourself, but I prefer making a difference.”
Reading those words of wisdom reminded me of why I chose to become a teacher in the first place. Some would even say that the profession chose me. Indian philosophy states that each individual has a dharma, a career that they were meant to follow and that, without which, they will never totally be fulfilled. My dharma is teaching, I have known that since I was 6 years old. The day that my first grade teacher, Sister Marie-Theresina, asked me to assist her by tutoring my classmates, she opened me to a lifetime of teaching and a lifetime of fulfillment in the field.
When I look back at all those years of spending hours and hours in the classroom, it’s not the salary that will remain in my mind and heart, it’s my students’ breakthroughs I helped catalyze here and there.
One such breakthrough came from a precautious 14 years old, one unexpected Monday morning. She was the daughter of a minister. Every day, she dressed totally in black and looked like a punkish witch. Having matching black lipstick and black nail polish created the look she obviously wanted. She was not the social type and would seldom even hang out with her own sister.
One day, she entered my classroom while I was absorbed in teaching preparations. “Mr. Parker,” she said nervously,” can I talk to you?” My door has always been open to students and their problems. “You are the only adult I trust and I need a huge favour,” she continued. Coming from this quiet, scrawny little girl who had barely said boo all year, her opening statement surprised and intrigued me. “How can I help you?” I said in my teacher-father tone.
“I am 14 years old, and a virgin”, the words resounded in my head. “My new boyfriend is 19 and my parents don’t know I have a boyfriend yet,” were her next bomb. “Can you help convince my mother to bring me to the doctor and get the pill? My boyfriend is insisting we have sex and I don’t want to get pregnant.”
My breathing stopped at that point and I drifted into another world. A world where I would have to face a minister’s wife, tell her that her 14 year old daughter wanted to have sex with a 19 year old, that her daughter trusted me more than her own parents. I also had to tell her that she needed to take the pill and wanted her mother to be so understanding that she would take her little girl to a doctor to get the medication. Wow! You can just imagine the myriad of thoughts and apprehensions that suddenly flooded my brain.
Putting all my fears and needs aside, I decided to go back to being the wise teacher this girl needed and uttered words that even surprised me. “Ok, I will do that, but under one condition. You must sit there and listen while I talk about the birds and the bees. Once I am sure you know what you are doing, then I’ll talk to your mother.” She agreed. Did she have a choice?
I started my long winded speech, gently and with a fatherly voice. I tried to help her look at the reasons boys his age try to pressure young girls to have sex. I also tried to help her see why she wanted to have sex with this older boy she barely knew. Then, I tried to help her see what happens next. Whether he moves on, or whether he stays around for a while, she will be left with a permanent, non changeable consequence of her decision. In other words, I tried my best to help her see the bigger picture. She listened, a lot more focused and opened than I expected. Once I had run out of things to say, I asked if she had any questions. She had none. Then, as I had committed to do, I informed her I would meet with her mother, that evening.
The meeting with the mother went surprisingly smoothly. Instead of being angry at her daughter or at me, she was appreciative of my help. She even stated that she was so grateful to God that her daughter, at least, had found an adult she trusted. I was stunned but happy.
I did not hear about the issue again for months. My student attended classes, like any other student, never referred to our conversation. I decided not to meddle, even thought I was dying to know the outcome. Then, one day, she dropped by my empty classroom and said simply, calmly, and gratefully,”Mr. Parker, I just wanted to say thank you for my mother and myself. And, I thought you should know. My boyfriend and I are no longer together and I am ok with that. I decided not to have sex until I feel ready and he decided to move on. You were right; he just wanted to use me. I did go to the doctor with my mother and now we speak openly about everything. Thank you from both of us.” Then, she hugged me and walked out, making both of us a little teary.
I’ll always remember this experience where I was able to make a difference with this fairly level headed young lady. I’ll always be grateful for having had the experience to carry in my heart, more than 20 years later. Hope my sharing it with you has made some difference in your life too.
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